One great epiphany from 2018

One great epiphany from 2018 is most friendships - the authentic ones - WILL endure conflict at some point. In 2018, it seemed like I had a conflict with a friend at every turn.

First of all, the year started on a sour night as my hubby and I were NOT in a good place. Scratch that - we were in a terrible place. 

But God.

I will share more about that another time.

One of the outcomes of us being in that rough season was the fallout of a friendship. There are so many landmines planted when you invite people in to pray for + fight for your marriage. It's such a sensitive, vulnerable spot to be in and while people have the best of intentions, sometimes they unintentionally do more harm than good. 

I did reconcile with that friend, but it was a hard road back to a trusting friendship. We had to have a couple hard conversations, but it was worth the energy required because it was a friendship I valued.

From there, I had a friend literally laugh at me when I attempted to share my business opportunity with her (which really, really hurt my feelings). I had a close friend (or so I thought) invite all of her close friends to her birthday dinner - except I wasn't invited. And last (but not least), I happened to be in the same place as a friend last month (who hasn't spoken to me since 2016) and she conveniently avoided me and I have no earthly idea why. Now, this friend is notorious for shutting people out of her life with little to no explanation, so I shouldn't be surprised. It's just a bit unsettling to know you've offended someone to the point of them cutting you off, but don't know when, how, or why, ya know?

So, needless to say, 2018 definitely stretched me in the area of relationships + friendship. Here's what I learned and intend to take with me into 2019 (and beyond):

1. I have to deal with conflict EARLY and throw ego out of the window (see Proverbs 17:14). When I allow unresolved conflict to linger, it makes it harder to reconcile. Until I pursue peace, clarity, and reconciliation, every interaction with someone I have unresolved conflict with feels forced and it's easy to stay in my head and feelings about the other person's intentions.  

2. Never ever EVER share your feelings via text. It never goes well. NEVER. Resist the urge. I have been notorious in the past for sharing my thoughts over text or email and while I meant well (most of the time), it's so passive aggressive and your message is misconstrued 9/10 times. If you aren't ready to have a conversation, take it to your prayer closet. JUST DON'T SEND THE TEXT.

3. True reconciliation requires both parties to pursue clarity and a resolution. If you've been hurt in the process and the other party refuses to do their part to resolve the issue, trust God for any injustice you feel, protect your peace, and bless and release (see 1 Peter 2:19).

Also, I think it's good practice to poll your friends on how you're doing as a friend. This is probably easiest to do when not in the middle of a conflict. If you haven't done so lately, do it. It's always good to seek feedback about how you're measuring up + can improve as a friend. Not for the sake of meeting unrealistic expectations or compromising necessary boundaries, but those closest to you can usually detect your blind spots. Keep the friends close who will tell you the truth about yourself in love. 

I value the friendships in my life and my sincere desire is to be the best, most engaged friend I can possibly be. With most close relationships, conflict is inevitable, so I'm learning every day to embrace conflict in healthy ways and pursue resolutions and peace in the relationships that matter most to me.