My Middle Child

My Ryann. Oh, my middle child, Ryann. She's both a toddler AND a middle child at the moment. Pray for us.

Our family dynamic is such that she was once the only child in our home since my stepdaughter lived with her mom the first 2.5 years of Ryann's life. So, for 2.5 years, she got all of our attention. Then literally within the same month (March 2016), we brought her baby sister home and my stepdaughter moved in with us full-time. We went from 1 kid to THREE KIDS FULL-TIME in ONE MONTH (side note: that was probably the craziest few months of my life). Surprisingly, Ryann adjusted well. She had her jealous moments with the baby but, overall, she did well.

So, here we are more than 2 years later, and I'm just now seeing the effects adding 2 kids at the same time (a newborn + an older sister who requires a lot of attention) has had on her. I've observed that the older she gets the more she tries to find her rightful place in our family dynamic. She's trying to find her voice. Except because she's 4, she doesn't quite know how to be heard so she whines constantly. Like all. day. long. Drives me flippin' nuts. Because of the constant whining and emotional melt downs, I find myself struggling to connect with her some days which makes me feel so guilty. Like, what mother struggles to connect with her 4 year old?

As I was reflecting on this topic, I realized that my struggle to connect with "emotional" women is not isolated to Ryann. In fact, I was once very close to a girlfriend who lived in her feelings. I was so challenged in our friendship because I was always doing something to hurt her feelings - not intentionally, of course. After I got married, our friendship changed a lot and despite my efforts to stay connected with her, she started to pull away. And now our friendship is restricted to an occasional "cute outfit!" comment exchange on social media. It saddens me, really. Mostly because I have grown a lot over the years and I see very clearly how I contributed to the breakdown in our friendship. If I had known then what I know now, maybe our friendship would look different today.

How does this relate to my whiny, emotional 4 year old? Reflecting on that friendship reminds me that we are all made different and relationships take work, including a relationship with your own small children. I'm often in mommy survival mode and I forget to just appreciate my kids for the little people God made them to be. Rather than focus on the irritating middle child + toddler behavior, I need to consider and appreciate all of the things I love about her. She has the kindest heart, she is the best, most protective big sister, she's incredibly smart and loves to learn, she can appreciate a cute outfit (even at 4!), and she's growing in her knowledge of Jesus.

I sincerely just want to be the best mom I can be for my girls. Either way, they will likely need therapy some day - because I am flawed and will do (or not do) something to traumatize them at some point, right? 😜 My goal (or at least one of my goals) is to do whatever I can to minimize the list of issues they'll need therapy for. Ha...the sad, but honest reality of raising kids.

Anyway, I love my girl. And I know we'll find our way. 

Here's an interesting article I came across about birth order. Again, our dynamic is different than a traditional family unit, but my girls fit into these categories pretty well. Check it out!